Here’s a key point to consider: both empathy and sympathy are valuable qualities. If you’ve been more sympathetic than empathetic in some situations, it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong!

Empathy and sympathy are two terms often mistakenly considered interchangeable when, in fact, they describe different emotional experiences. Let’s start with their etymology. Sympathy comes from the Greek sym-patéo, which means “to feel together” the same emotions, sharing the same emotional reaction to events.

Empathy has a slightly different etymological meaning: from the Greek en-pátheia, it means to be “inside” another person’s feelings, to understand experientially what they are going through, without necessarily agreeing on the interpretation of the triggering events.

Specifically, sympathy involves showing interest, concern, or sorrow for someone, and translates into an urgency to act to make the other person feel better. Sympathy can manifest as attentiveness towards the other person, but unlike empathy, it doesn’t involve a deep identification. On the other hand, empathy fosters a more authentic connection and a deeper emotional bond in relationships.

Returning to the initial example, the response “I’m sorry you’re going through this, I hope things get better soon” is a sympathetic response because you’re showing understanding and concern for your colleague’s situation but without delving into the specifics of their stress or feeling emotionally involved. This demonstrates a form of detached support typical of sympathy.

In contrast, responding empathetically would involve putting yourself in your friend’s shoes, imagining yourself in their situation, and recalling emotions and states of mind you’ve experienced in a similar situation. “Being inside” their emotions would lead you to respond with something like: “I understand how frustrating it can be to struggle with a project; I’ve been through it myself and know it can feel overwhelming. If you want, we can talk about it and see how I can help.” Here, empathy is manifested by acknowledging feelings of frustration and stress, sharing a similar personal experience, and offering concrete support to address the situation.

As Dr. Brené Brown, an American researcher who has spent decades studying various aspects of the human experience, including empathy, puts it: “Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable one.” To delve deeper into the difference between empathy and sympathy, at the end of this article, you’ll find a link to a clear and thorough video created by Dr. Brown herself.